Attack of the Killer Swan

16 04 2012


We have been on hiatus this past week, as I was on the east coast for business.  I have a ton of great stuff to share from the trip.

I the meantime, file this story under “I wish this was made up” and “tragic” as well as “surreal” – the case of a man apparently killed by a swan. And I mean like directly, not like it flew into the engine of his small plane or something.

He was a caretaker for the birds, for a company who used them to keep other birds like geese away from properties in the area. Evidently one swan attacked him while he was in a kayak and he drowned. Very sad story actually.

Overheard as I was parking my car just now …

5 04 2012

Tomorrow is street sweeping, which inevitably means that since I worked late tonight, there was no parking to be had on the non-street sweeping side of the street. And somehow, my company gives tomorrow as a holiday (Good Friday).

As I got out of my car, a young man rode past me on his bicycle.  He steered with one hand on the handlebars, and held a cell phone to his ear with the other.

As he passed me, he said into the phone,

“You ARE the only person getting my penis, baby.”

Yes, just another day in the life in SoCal.

I once heard that Beluga Whales enjoyed mariachi music

3 04 2012

Friday Funny – Sorta

16 03 2012

I will admit that it’s not that the events that inspired this story is funny – at the core, it is a crime and morally reprehensible – the funny part is the picture (and what it insinuates, namely that Twilight star Taylor Lautner resembles a llama).

Found quite randomly on a site called FilmDrunk:


The woman on the left is a 31-year-old English teacher in Hemet, California, who seduced and slept with a 17-year-old male student.

The article on FilmDrunk is so hilarious that I encourage everyone to go read it.

Go ahead, you can come back to RttRL when you’re done, we’ll still be here:

The best two lines from this piece:

“Riverside County is the Florida of California”


“My sources say the boy tried to hide the romance, but failed on account of being a horrible, horrible actor.”

Ha!  Now that is pure gold!

Overheard at the Pharmacy

2 03 2012

I came down with a sudden and aggressive cold this week. It has really sucked – rarely do I get so ill from a common cold virus, thank God.

After staying home for two days, in bed almost all of the time, I decided to go see a doctor. He prescribed me an antibiotic, plus a bunch of other expensive shit that I don’t need – an asthma inhaler (???), cough syrup, and a nasal spray.

While the clerk at the pharmacy was helping me, a woman who had just received her prescription and walked off came back to the counter, waving the largest clear prescription bottle I’ve ever laid eyes on. She was probably in her late 50s, a white lady with darkly tanned skin and stringy blonde hair.

“Excuse me, this isn’t right,” she said, “I’m supposed to get tablets.”

“Those are tablets,” the other pharmacist said.

“No I’m supposed to get PILLS, not these things,” she answered, giving the enormous vial a shake for emphasis.  “Look at the prescription!”

Now totally distracted, the pharmacist sets aside my order and goes over to a small basket and selects a small Rx paper from a stack of several. He walks over to her and says quite loudly:

“See, it says right here – ’40mg METHADONE TABLETS’ – those are the dissolving 40mg tabs.”

“I thought it was supposed to be pills,” she says, with a sinking tone.  “These are too big to swallow.”

“If you quarter them, you can swallow them in pieces,” the pharmacist offered. “Besides, those are the only 40mg methadone tablets we sell.”

That seemed to satisfy her, as she immediately agreed, thanked him, turned and left without any further discussion.

Methadone, for those who don’t know, is a synthetic opioid prescribed sometimes as a painkiller, but more often as an anti-addictive for patients with an opioid drug dependency.

What a scene, especially since I was sick and really just trying to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

As soon as she left, one of the pharmacy staff uttered a few syllables (which I couldn’t quite hear) and the entire crew fell apart laughing. Apparently this was not the first time they’d had such an encounter.

“You guys are really busy today,” I said.

“We’re always this busy,” said the clerk who was helping me.

I’m sure they see this crazy crap all the time.

The Dictator at The Oscars

27 02 2012

He made it to the red carpet after all!  With the “ashes” of Kim Jong Il in a little urn, which he proceeded to “spill” all over host Ryan Seacrest. He then told Seacrest, as he was being dragged away,

“If someone asks who you are wearing, tell them Kim Jong Il!”


Maddie on Things

22 02 2012


Meet Maddie – she is a coonhound (dog) who likes to stand on things.

Or, at least, she is patient (and has great balance) and she allows her owner to pose her for some pretty awesome pictures, such as the one above.

I like the effect he uses to produce the weathered looking old school photos.

Friday Funny

10 02 2012


I am told this is from some Japanese film … go figure. Hey, nobody likes to stand in the rain without an umbrella!